WOW – it’s been almost a year since I’ve updated this blog. Poor, poor neglected sunshine and kittens. I guess in some ways that’s a good thing since I haven’t had anything major to report (you know, like being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer). But I’ve been wanting to get some things off my chest, so it is high time to update you all.
First off, I am officially SO SICK OF HAVING CANCER!!! I mean, I have it SO good compared to most with Stage 4. It’s not in my organs, I’m not in imminent danger of dying, I still have energy enough to work (at least 4 days a week). But god damn, I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. No matter what medication I’m on, I just have crap symptoms to deal with. And some times LITERALLY crap. ha! Oh cancer humor.
But to back up, because of my horrible pain in my feet last year, I switched to a lower dose of xeloda and added cytoxin. That combination not only got rid of my feet pain (although my feet will forever look horrible/cracked), but it brought my cancer count (CA 27.29) down to NORMAL levels. Which was awesome. Happy, happy!!
But in the case of all these awesome medicines, which are saving my life, unfortunate side effects follow. This time in the form of daily diarrhea (the “crap” I referred to earlier). Guess what gang, daily diarrhea makes your bum HURT. I mean, tears down your face hurt. Oh you get the good, the bad, and the ugly here, right? Anyhoo, in addition to the increasingly bad pain I was in, my cancer count started jumping up (current numbers are 48+). So my onc decided it was high time to switch to a new regiment of meds – a combo of aromisin and afinitor. What these two meds do is block my m-TOR pathways, which basically are the bridges my cancer most likely travels around on. Think of it like putting up road blocks.
But as always, there are super fun side effects, and Afinitor comes with MOUTH SORES. grosssss!! I mean, basically canker sores. Which don’t sound that bad, right? But man, I only have two right now and they freaking hurt. Like all the time. Like I don’t want to eat. Like it really sucks trying to say “T” and “S” words because it makes my tongue hurt. Jesus.
Oh and because I’m menopausal, my thyroid is all fucked up. So I’m on thyroid meds which could be a great thing because hopefully it will give me energy. But I’m almost 4 weeks in on thyroid meds and I still don’t have much energy.
You guys know how much I hate being negative. I so so believe in a good attitude and that positive thoughts can make a huge difference in my prognosis and longevity. But I am so sick of this all. Sick. Of. It.
Okay, so there’s my purge. But here we go, here’s the silver lining. I’m alive. I don’t have cancer in my brains, lungs or liver. All of which is common with breast cancer mets. I have enough energy to play with my son. I get to do some fun trips this summer. I have the most loving friends and family in the world. I love my job. I laugh every day. I get to hug my son close to me (he’s holding my arm as I type this). I am going to beat the odds and live with this fucking disease for at least 15 more years. And it could be a million times worse.
So thank you for reading through my vent. My outlook will get better. And in the meantime I’ll apply my oragel to my gross canker sores and be happy that I’ll probably drop a few pounds out of all of this. More regular updates to come! Thanks as always for traveling along with me. xo