hi friends. I’ve neglected sunshine&kittens lately, so here’s the update. I’m feeling pretty frustrated these days with the affects of my chemo. As you might remember, I’m on an oral chemo called Xeloda. One of the affects of this medication is hand & foot syndrome. What that means is my hands and feet get swollen, cracked skin, and a horrible burning/itching feeling. When I first read about this symptom I thought to myself “well, that’s no big deal. that’s nothing compared to losing my hair or feeling horribly sick”. But I gotta tell you, having swollen, painful feet is not a walk in the park (ha, pun attended). Towards my 6th day of being on chemo (I get a week off after every two), it’s getting hard to walk. And I have to wear sensible shoes – gah!! It’s very hard to pick out cute outfits for work when the best you can do is sneakers. I do believe a shopping trip is in order for some cute, comfortable shoes (if such a thing exists). I’ve included some lovely photos below so you can see how pretty my hands and feet are these days.
In addition to my feet issues, I’ve been seeing a sleep doctor and we’ve determined that I have sleep apnea. Brian could have made that diagnosis months ago as he hears me stop breathing numerous times a night. I did a home sleep study and I stop breathing about 15 times an hour. Which means I’m not exactly getting a good night’s sleep (even if i’m not consciously aware I’m waking). So I get to go on a CPaP machine which basically gives me oxygen all night. But it means wearing a oxygen type mask on my nose all night. When I asked my doc whether this was related to chemo, she said it was actually more likely related to menopause (which of course I’m in BECAUSE of chemo). She said it’s a very common issues with women in menopause. ugh.
And to top it all off, I got my cancer marker test and my count is up to 68. Last month it was 62, so it’s going in the opposite direction we want it to. It’s a small fluxuation, and my doc isn’t worried at all about it, but after the awesome results last month (72 to 62), I want to know that being on this stupid chemo is having really good results. But I just have to remember this is a very, very long journey I’m on (right?, at least another 10 or 20 years I get to stick around) and these little set backs are going to be a part of my daily life now.
Okay, so let’s turn this little journey around and focus on the positive. One of the things a lot of cancer patients talk about (especially us stage 4’ers) is that after awhile you lose the attention and caring of friends and family. Not in a bad way, but just in a way that it’s not so immediate as when you’re first diagnosed. As someone that LOVES attention, you can imagine that would be tough for me to deal with. But that has not at all been the case with me. Thanks to all of you, I still feel surrounded with love and caring and attention. Lately I’ve had some wonderful gestures. My lovely friend Sean rode over 200 miles from Canada to Seattle to help raise money for cancer research (photo of us below). He and Michelle and their kids all cheered him on with homemade signs that called out who he was riding for (me!). And Tom gave me a delicious bottle of really nice wine. Joe and Cara gave me a very generous gift certificate to Amazon and Tiffany treated me to a massage. And Kim continues to host outdoor movies to raise money for Young Cancer Coilition (thank you Davis’ and Jonathan, Dale & Nate for your donations!). And my amazing mom-in-law and sis-in-law have come up every week to give me and Brian a break. I’m touched, awed, joy filled and humbled by all the love you all are showing me.
I had a wonderful visit with my sister and nephew who visited from Tucson and I booked a trip to South Carolina to visit my family in August. I get to go by myself, so it will be a true relaxing vacation (that you, love, for being solo with Desmond while I relax on the lake). Can’t WAIT to see my southern family. I appreciate all the lovely notes and well wishes you all have sent my way. It makes dealing with these stupid physical issues much easier. Much love…
