Hello friends.  You would think five months after my diagnosis thoughts of me and my cancer would fade from friends’ minds.  But the love, caring and generosity just continues to pour in.  From ongoing notes of encouragement (Beth B.’s weekly card, Lori & Jim’s cards that always make me laugh, notes from long lost friends like Dan P & Tim S), to thoughtful gifts (Holly R’s delicious meal, toys for D and bracelet and Laura V’s nordstrom gift certificate).  And of course Kim & Colleen’s daily check in and letting me rest while they chase after Desmond.

Speaking of rest, I don’t thank my dreamy husband enough.  I’ve been trying to work full time, so by the time I get home I sometimes don’t even have the energy to make it to the couch to lay down.  That means Brian does the cooking, cleaning and, most important, entertaining Desmond.  There is absolutely no way I would have made it through the last five months without him.  So thanks, babe.  Lucky, lucky me.

And for all of you, please know your ongoing support and encouragement continues to make me strong and positive.  Only FIVE more treatments to go (yeah!), so the light at the end of the tunnel is continually brighter.  Much love to you all.

I’m curled up on the couch in a warm comfy blanket as the rain beats down outside.  I’m using up my last vacation day of the year (our vacation starts over in October) and it is the perfect day for relaxing and watching movies under a warm blanket.  And it’s always a fantastic day when I get to nap!

I’m kind of glad the weather has turned.  Besides getting to wear my two new pairs of winter boots, I’m so much more comfortable with the cooler weather.  Hot flashes are a bitch when it’s 80 degrees out.  I finished up my 10th treatment on Friday, so only 6 more now.  I’m nearing the end!  I’m making an appointment with the radiologist this week to find out if I’m going to have radiation.  My oncologist did warm me that the radiologist is pretty aggressive with treatment, meaning if I’m in a grey area she’s going to recommend radiation.  So I’m pretty much resigned to the fact it’s going to happen.  But hey, if it improves my odds of never getting cancer again…bring it on.  Just an aside, I love that my docs (surgeon, oncologist and radiologist) are all women.

We just had a great weekend.  Desmond spent the night with his grandma on Saturday, so Brian and I went out with Kim and Bob to a lovely dinner (Cuoco – new Tom Douglass restaurant).  After enjoying some wine, we came back to our house and everyone tried on my wigs.  Picture below.  Heeelarious.  Okay, I’m going back to catching up on TV shows. Love to all….

Well I’m officially halfway done with chemo.  Just 8 more treatments left.  Couldn’t come fast enough for me, let me tell ya.  I’m TIRED of chemo.  I’m tired of being bald.  I’m tired of being tired and having no energy.  I’m tired of taking 9 pills a day and getting shots.  I keep reminding myself that all of this is to assure I live a long, healthy, cancer-free life.  But whew it’s exhausting. 

Speaking of exhausting…my amazing friend Tanhya walked SIXTY miles this weekend for the 3 Day race for the cure (see pics below).  Kim and I went down to the opening ceremonies on Friday morning to see her off.  Then Colleen and I (and Colleen’s gorgeous little girls) met up with Tanhya at mile 50 yesterday and shared lunch with her.  Poor T was real, real tired after 50 long miles.  I was so touched and amazed at her resilience and dedication to walking.  She raised $3,000 to help find a cure for breast cancer.  While we were waiting for her a walker came up to me and asked if she could give me a hug (I was wearing a scarf, so clearly a cancer patient).  She said she was a survivor and to not give up hope.  It was just another amazing example of the incredible community I now find myself a part of. 

Anyway, I’m feeling encouraged and at the same time scooped out.  The shots I’m getting (I gave myself one today!) are making me super, super achy.  And I’m feeling blobby thanks to my metabolism slowing down (due to menopause).   But at least I’m not as nauseous now.  so that’s something!  Anyway, halfway down…8 more to go.  And hopefully I’ll know soon whether I’ll need radiation.  I’m desperately hoping I won’t so I can be completely done in November…but we shall see.  I’ll update again soon! xo

Sorry for the radio silence, I hate when I neglect my blog.  Things are going okay although I’m definitely starting to feel more tired.  After 7 treatments (8th on Friday), the fatigue is setting in.  I can’t imagine how tired I’ll be after all 16 treatments.  On the one hand I only have 9 treatments to go….on the other hand November 11th seems far away.  But I’m SO thankful that Taxol is treating me better than the red devil.  I don’t even have to take anti-nausea pills now!  Unfortunately my white and blood cell counts were both super low last week.  So now Brian gets to give me nutropen shots the 3 days following chemo.  That will help boost my counts.  To his credit, Brian didn’t even flinch when he gave me the shots (in the back of my arm).  Maybe it’s a way for him to get out aggression?  I kid!

My friend Tanhya is participating in the 3 day walk for the cure this weekend.  She’s walking 60 miles over three days to help raise funds for breast cancer research.   Amazing!!  Colleen, Kim and Kaycee are going to join me early Friday morning to send her off.  I’m excited to hear other survivor stories and feel the support of the thousands of people participating.  Pictures to follow…

Other than that, I’m hanging in there as best as possible and trying to save some energy for my marvelous boys.  Oh and I discovered some peach fuzz on my head this morning!  I do believe it could be the beginning of my hair coming back.  Yay hair!

Well this Taxol is treating me all right!  I was a bit nauseated Sunday and Monday…and definitely very tired.  But compared to the red devil…this is MUCH better.  I took it easy this past weekend and Brian (as always) made sure I got lots of rest and didn’t have to chase Desmond around too much.  Hopefully Taxol will continue to be easier than A/C chemo and the next 11 weeks (ack!) will go by quickly.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE not having hair??  I am such a vain, vain creature.  I honestly think losing my hair is the worst part of all of this.  It’s so uncomfortable wearing a wig and I just don’t feel pretty when I see my bald head in the mirror.  I love that you all comment on how positive I’m being…but you have to know the no hair thing is NO fun and I like to whine about it.

But back to my usual happy thoughts…I’m looking forward to the long weekend.  Desmond is going to spend the night with his grandma on Sunday, so Brian and I are finally getting a well deserved grown-up night out. Sending hugs, kittens and sunshine to you all….

Hi friends and family!  Today was my first Taxol chemo treatment. First up was my usual blood tests.  My white blood count was 10.2!!  An all time high (even higher than before I started chemo).  Unfortunately my red blood count has taken a beating and it’s really low.  Which means I’m anemic and totally explains why I’ve been so unbelievably tired lately.  My doc said to eat lots of spinach and meat to help with the anemia.  When I was receiving the Taxol they gave me an anti-nausea med but they also gave me 50mg of Benadryl because Taxol causes an allergic reaction in some patients.  Um it completely and totally knocked me on my ass.  I felt like I was high and when I tried to read everything was blurry.  I asked the nurses about it and they all laughed and said “You weigh 128 lbs and just took 50mg of Benadryl. Night night!”.  I actually didn’t fall asleep but slept for 2 hours the second I got home.  Whew!

I’ve also been having wicked hot flashes since I’m now going through menopause (have I mentioned chemo throws you into menopause?). It’s been waking me up a few times during the night.  And when I’m wearing my wig and get a hot flash…torture! My doc gave me a prescription to help with the night flashes, so hopefully it will get much better and I’ll get some full nights of sleep.

Other than that, I’m hoping Taxol will live up to it’s reputation of being easier than the red devil. I guess it does inhibit hair growth, so I won’t get much hair back in the next 3 months.  Such a bummer…I miss my hair so much.  On a positive note, Brian’s home now so our family is complete and we’re showering Desmond with lots of love and affection. Amy and Carrie made us a delicious meal yesterday, Tanhya is walking in the 3 day Susan G. Komen walk in my honor and I continue to get daily cards and emails of encouragement from many of you.  In so many ways this cancer has been a surprising gift.  And I love that I get to join all the incredible survivors out there. xoxo

I just got back from a wonderful 3 days down in LA.  I went down with Colleen and our friend from Chicago, Kimberly.  We had a fantastic time, full of sunning ourselves pool side, shopping, dinners out and we even went dancing (ok, I only danced to two songs – but still)!  It was such a nice way to celebrate the end of the dreaded “red devil”.  I really missed Desmond, but it was good to have three days of non-mommy time.  And thankfully Brian survived without a scratch.

Speaking of Brian, he’s in Nashville this week at a work conference (Nashville in August, yuck).  So now it’s my time to be single parent.  Of course I’m getting tons of help.  Norine (my amazing mom-in-law) came up yesterday and even spent the night to help me out this morn!  Lisa is coming over tonight, Kathleen, Hana and Franni tomorrow night and Erin’s making Desmond and I dinner at her house on Wednesday.  AND June A. made me dinner for tonight and Valerie O. is bringing dinner for tomorrow.  How lucky am I??  It makes me realize I’m actually going to survive Brian being gone.

I start chemo again on Friday this week.  I’m hoping and praying that Taxol will be easier than the red devil. It has to be, right??  I’m really feeling exhausted these days.  Much more so than even a month ago.  I guess the cumulative aspect is catching up with me.  But with everyone’s help and encouragement I will be just fine.  Here are some pictures from Manhattan Beach – enjoy!

Hi friends.  Well I had my blood test yesterday and had an EXTREMELY low white blood cell count.  It was at .5 (less than a 1).  My other levels looked alright and I don’t have a fever or show any signs of sickness, so they let me go home.  Otherwise if I had a fever or anything they would have hospitalized me.  Ack!  I’m feeling really worn out and have some nausea, but overall I feel okay (I’ve worked all week if that’s any indication).

The good news is my white blood cell count should be mostly recovered by Sunday.  Hopefully I’ll be feeling fully back to normal by Wednesday when I fly down to LA with Colleen!  So excited for our trip.  We’re staying at the lovely Hotel Bellamar (picture below) in Manhattan Beach and our friend Kimberly is flying in to meet us from Chicago.  We plan to lay by the pool, walk on the beach, shop, eat and drink for three baby-less days.  The perfect girls’ trip!  Of course we’ll miss our husbands and kids desperately. 😉

Thanks as always for all the emails, cards, gifts and meals that keep coming.  All of your love and generiosity makes me feel like the strongest, bravest person in the world.

I’m sitting here at Swedish (or the spa-spital as Kim calls itYt) with my reclined comfy chair and warm blankets. Second day of fluids and anti-nausea meds which should help with the normal sickness this week. And after this week I should have very little if no nausea. Whoop! I had a pretty nasty bout of insomnia last night…up from 1am to 4:30am. Little hint, don’t start reading a book about the history of cancer in the middle of the night. Not that relaxing.

All in all though I’m feeling upbeat and well (ok and a pretty tired). Sooo looking forward to my trip to LA with Colleen and Kimberly K next week! I’ll share more about that in a future post. In the meantime, big hugs and kisses to all that are still reading along with this blog. Xo

I am officially done with my first round of chemo! Yippee! About 9 or 10 days of feeling crappy, and then no more!! I start my taxol chemo on 8/26. That will be every week through 11/11/11. What a cool date to finish chemo, right? Everyone assures me Taxol is waaaaay better than the red devil. Most people don’t even get sick…but with my track record I’m expecting some queasiness. But nothing like the past two months. Whew!

I was talking to my friend Ann the other day (a cancer survivor) about how cancer brings out the best in people. We continue to get meals every week (thank you Hana, Franni, Jennie, Kim&Bill and Janet for the recents)! And Ann got me a great gift box full of fun jewelry, scarf, chocolates and a flask! Jenny & Stewart just sent a Kindle gift cert and Emily Jasper just got me a massage at my favorite spa! And Beth B. sends me a card every single week. I honestly don’t feel like I deserve all this….but I’m so very grateful and happy for ALL your support.

Speaking of supportive people…my saint of a mom-in-law is coming to spend the night on Saturday to help with Desmond. I hit the jackpot in the in-law dept. I’m making Brian go to the Phish show at the gorge Saturday night. He’s going to have a well deserved blast.

As for me…it’s now nap time. They give me Valium as part of my treatment so I’m barely keeping my eyes open. Oh, big thanks to my bestie Colleen who brought lunch today (and to my bestie Kim and our friend Michelle who brought nail polish and magazines for our ‘spa day’ last visit. Here’s some photos for you to enjoy. 1) my medicine cabinet. Those are ALL for cancer. 2) the red devil on his last journey. Hugs, sunshine and kittens to you all!